A grading scale?

[Ilyich]

Good evening ~ <3. I do hope I am not breaking a rule or such in doing this. But I have a horrid sense of self xD I would like to request a grade, Ma'am(s). Upon a thread for a character I have just created. My dear Paradox is a brand new character of mine, with a small issue. He has multiple personality disorder. Now this problem has led to me being very unsure of my postings with him. I would be internally grateful if one of the teachers here at Bt's school of Role play could give one of his posts a grade based on the writing. Or even both of them~ I would be especially grateful! As I've said i'm very unsure of this character... And I apologize now for the length of this xD


Here is his Bio Form

Paradox - a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth

(THE SMALLER FEATURES);

Character name: Paradox
Age: 4 years
Gender: male
Animal: canine
Breed/s: Dingo (mutt mix)
Pack: Tempest

(I THINK I NEED A THERAPIST);

Personality:
Sufferer. A demon held together by his own puppet strings. He is a ranger a man with no need for life and no need for death. He simply is and he remains in his state of being. He suffers there though, suffers in his living state. Not knowing what they begin or where he ends. Paradox is one whom speaks in riddles, his words never quite making sense. That is when he speaks. The man in silence. He drives away his demons through his silence. If he does not speak them emotion will not flow forth and explode that mental wall. Not that its ever worked. Paradox is in himself a paradox. Four separate beasts lay within him. A mental disorder known as Dual personality or multiple personality disorder takes hold of him by the throat and shake.

Parar he calls himself. He thinks himself a god. Causing nothing but problems with his all mighty and unforgettable rampages. This man knows none of the bounds the others seem to understand. His fangs are always bared. He always has something to bitch about- and unlike the other Paradox's he never shuts up. If he isn't bragging then he's yelling. Dominant in his thinking and uncaring in his emotions the man walks with a furious step and is very hard to stop once on a path.

Doxie he whimpers. Every dog has his day of reckoning, and Doxie is terrified of his. In a constant state of nervous suspicion this boy looks around himself with huge eyes and clenched teeth. No one can sneak up on he always prepared. Always prepared means in a constant state of terror. twitchy and unreliable he stares around himself with mistrust. You could say you where a man and he wouldn't believe you. He often rats out his 'fellows' in other words he whimpers about whatever Parar's newest dumb ass idea is. Tail tucked and head low he is the total opposite of Parar.

Xoda he leers. He is a complete man whore. A wicked grin always twitching on his lips he is the paradox that holds his sway most often. He could tel a shrew it was a bird and then animal would try to fly. Smooth and falsely gentle men like he turns a charming smile on every one. He is a giant man whore, hitting on anyone who he can see and sleeping with anyone who will hold still. His charismatic gaze is always gleaming with hidden intentions. Its not easy to escape his grasps. Especially when Xoda falls into 'stalker' mode. Good luck girls and guys. He doesn't care what ya got down there he just wants it now.

Paradox he shrieks. His name is paradox! Not those others! They are not he! Demons possessing him trough his demise! Easily made into an enemy Paradox is a rather twitchy individual. He hates to think anything can set him off, and once it has he can't do anything about it. They take over. He can't do anything. Helpless and cold he finds it hard to care for others, and often takes his frustration out on others.
Three strengths:
speed
power
witty tongue

Three weaknesses:
Parar - mean paradox
Doxie - hurt paradox
Xoda - perverted paradox

(LOOKIN' AT MY REFLECTION);

Height: 23 inches
Weight: 68 pounds
Appearance:
Hansom. Strong brave face lifted to stare at the sky with its silent betrayal. Paradox stands at a powerful height, his body Akita like in its proportions. Brave medium length muzzle holds his face in a stoic expression before he turns it to one of confusion. Warm chocolate pools stare out from the tawny face. Tan coat clings short and thick along his body, only fluffing out along his elbows and chest. Tick muscle holds his neck alight. Powerful tissue ripples across his shoulder in neat even strokes. His form is well muscled, and shows it. But he is not bulky. A nice tuck to his stomach and an even curve to his neck show off his lean feral expressions. Strong legs hold his shaded body in the air, large paws tipped with black claws settle in the dirt. His coat of solid tawny differs across itself. Darker atop his spine and paler upon his belly the coloration fluxes and varies along the rest of his body. A long thickly furred tail hangs from his spine, its end fluffing out like some sort of over used paint brush.

(REMINISCING LIKE HELL);

History:
born to a large litter Paradox was the youngest male amongst 5. No females where born to his session. Only brothers. Strong frightening just as messed up as he brothers. Cousins mating never ends well for the kids. But blood lines must stay pure! Funny he thought Dingo's where all mutts anyway. Young a childish he had not yet discovered his ailment. As some of his siblings had. He laughed at them, as children do. Gleefully reminding them that he was normal. He didn't here voices or speak without being able to control it. he was normal! And then Parar showed up. Great god Parar whom almost killed Paradox's eldest brother on his first appearance. Dear Parar whom slunk back to his cage as Paradox fought his way back. And in shame admitted that he Paradox was a paradox. He was unusual. He was like them, the ones he had tormented for months. They tormented him back. Calling names and grinning like fools when the next one appeared. Doxie hid from them in his terror and they found this game fun. Snapping and snarling until their brother or Parar came forth to end it. And in terror even Paradox began to hide from them. What would happen if someone did come forth, and they never left. The real question was- who was he to begin with. Now. Almost four years after Parar first appeared, Paradox was forgotten.
Major turning points in life:
birth
finding Parar
finding Doxie
traveling away from parents
finding Xoda
joins tempest pack


And here is a sample of his posts

I am the patron saint of lost causes

Left or right? Right or wrong? Dead or breathing? Breathing or dead? All interesting questions, and questions that seem to drill his brain. But are the questions or are they just words? Words with a neat little scribble next to them? A big ball of squiggles. Their tails arching in confused directions, and his eyes turned to follow them in waves of intuition. Or perhaps confusion. Its rather to tell the two apart it would seem. Just as hard to tell him apart from himself. Paradox, one who makes sense of nothing and makes games of difference. He who holds nothing but air in his body, an nothing but air escapes him. Air and loss. Strong face turned to the dirt the man blinked weakly. Wonder whats wrong with me? Simple words, an easy question. But so many answers! So many answers! So many things wrong~ He the sufferer found little to suffer over. Not now, his other selves trapped with in him in his air locked blockades. They twisted and sagged within his soul as he fought them back. Nothing to turn him here. Nothing to make him snap.

Not yet any way.

Things, he learned, changed quickly. Tings that changed quickly made him twitch. Made someone he hated leak into his body and take over. Hatred of ones self is not good for the soul. its not good for the mind either- apparently. Personally he drove himself mad. But that did not matter now, and as he set another tawny paw down on the half dead grass he man hurried forward. Tombstones rose amongst the rippling grass, and as spring took over the bodies under them fed the wild flowers whispering into existence. Funny how man's only use now was fertilizer. Lifting a paw to prod one of the worn old stones before him, Paradox found little to think about in this the lighter place. That was true. This was one of the lighter places in Tempest lands. Here the sun shone down on his golden pelt and set it a glow. Lifting his hansom muzzle to stare up at the sky, the soldier narrowed chocolate eyes. It seemed odd to him that this place of death and rot was so bright. As if some unknown god played with a light switch, smirk stretched across There face.

What a rude God. Cuuldn't they pick a better mutt to fuck with? Its not like he ever did anything to deserve it. But then he was contemplating how to turn off the sun- because it suited his wants better. But really, burial grounds aren't meant to be 'pretty'. Death is so horridly cloaked, as if it's some sort of better place, when all it is is death. Spilt blood, rotten scent, and carcasses galore under a short six feet. He knew because Parar so loved digging them up. Playing with their bones, and taunting their broken bony smiles. It was the only expression they would ever make again. But then so many humans had died so swiftly that he didn't have to dig to find someone. But only Parar enjoyed that game, the game where he got to piss on 'the man's' head. The others, the rest of him, shied away from the deranged red souled wonder that Parar was. But somewhere in Paradox's mind he knew that he enjoyed it to. Secretly he enjoyed most of the things the others did, he just refused to admit it. Why give them more ground to concur?

Clambering over his tombstone the Dingo padded toward another, sniffing it delicately before turning to another. Pawing at the stone he wondered at where they were, his other selves. He knew them to be there, their breath hot on the back of his eyes- their voices begging for him to relinquish the sense to them. But they did not beat at him as they did some days. They seemed happy to lay behind his shield, and watch form a far. They all knew him, they new each other. They argued with each other. But not in his head- oh thankfully not in his head. Only when they took over, their teeth snapping at his body and their souls shoving his out of the way. Growling softly at the rock his paw so hesitantly clawed the man turned to walk a few paces before dropping his snout to the earth. They argued through him, and tended to argue with others as well. Woe the animal that did not know of him, oh infamous Paradox.

For what would he be, the four sided rat that he was, but infamous?

[Ms. Teach-a-Lot]

On a letter scale, I would grade this a B+. It is a fine post, very creative and flowing easily. However, what keeps it from being an A or A+ is the proof-reading. There are multiple spots where letters are forgotten (ETC: instead of "things" in the second paragraph, you have "tings"). Also, puncuation is misused, though it is obvious they are just mistakes your eyes skipped over (ETC: instead of a period, you have ~ in first paragraph). There are other small errors here and there, so my only advice is to proof-read AT LEAST three times before clicking submit, and then once more after it's posted.